News & Events
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
#
Several of my esteemed colleagues have reported on rumors that Justin Timberlake has begun shopping around for an engagement ring for our believed JB. He has asked several of her friends what kind of ring she would like best. I must admit being a little hurt that he didn't ask me. I mean come on. An email wouldn't have been too hard Justo. I know my rings! Well since he doesn't want my opinion I am going to give it anyways.
Justin, you both are rich beyond anyone's wildest dreams. Why even try to "Keep up with the Joneses?" Don't support the diamond/slavery market! Just get matching tattoos on your buttocks. Tattoos can't be lost like rings either. Well, unless you get your skin shaved off by an alligator or something. Trust me! If I know Jessica like I claim to, she'll melt and you two will be married before Joey Fatone could consume a basket of nachos.
Ok. That's it. More on when he officially pops the question.
 
Monday, May 12, 2008
#
Finally! All of that hard work doing crunches and riding the stairmaster paid off! Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have been named "Hollywood's Buffest Couple" by In Touch magazine. I am happy for them but, hello? What about Liza Minelli and David Gest? Or my Uncle Herb and his wife Petunia? Or what about the Governator himself? Not to take anything away from JJ though. Keep sweatin' guys!
The issue is on newstands now.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
#
A sister site has claims to have images of Jessica Biel entering a Santa Monica medical facility for undisclosed reasons. Let's take a look at one.
Yeah. I guess that could be a medical facility. It could also be a Target. I think Jessica is feeling just fine! To prove it, a recent clip of her on the Ellen show in which she shakes her booty like I've never seen it shook before. Enjoy!
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
#
Several of my sources indicate that Jessica and her beau Justin "Mickey Mouse Club" Timberlake have decided to make a movie together. Only, they don't have a film lined up yet. Not only that, they don't even have a genre lined up yet. Here is what a mutual friend has to say:
“Justin is very keen to do a comedy while Jessica wants to do something grittier because she’s concerned about her image.”
Also, I meant a mutual friend of Jessica and Justin. I don't have any mutual friends with those two. Well, does Joey Fatone count? I once saw him at a Wawa. He loves his touchscreen sandwiches.
Here's to hoping they get this project, whatever it ends up being, going soon!
Saturday, September 01, 2007
#
Some kind yet bizarre soul has posted a "how to" draw a fake tattoo on Jessica Biel's body on his design blog. To illustrate his finished work, he posted this picture:
That looks pretty real I guess. I'm not so sure I agree with his design choice though. Everybody knows that Jessica prefers half-naked devil women and kanji characters that mean "wisdom."
Give it a try yourself! Go to his page, read and learn, then email me your tattooed creations. I expect greatness.
http://www.11amdesign.com/faq/index.php?action=artikel&cat=17&id=1206&artlang=en
Thursday, August 30, 2007
#
Jessica hosted the grand opening of the Ivy Hotel in San Diego over the weekend. Nelly, Ashanti, and Joss Stone all attended the opening. Joss even wowed the congregation of suits with a performance. To be fair, those suits are easily wowed. The only music they listen to is the opening salvo of a Tony Robbins self help tape. Da dum dum.
Anyway, Justin Timber-lame was not in attendance. Geeze JT way to support your girl. It was only her very first hotel grand opening. Those events come only once, twice in a lifetime.
Jessica agreed to do the opening after the hotel became affiliated with her favorite charity, the Make the Difference Network.
Maybe Justin didn't go because no money was being thrown at his favorite charity, the "Help Justin Timberlake remain socially relevant" organization. To be fair, it's a great charity that does a lot of good.
Here is a photo of Jessica looking stunning at the event:
Jessica is tired of Justin's wandering eye and recently issued an ultimatum to the N Syncer, various sources have reported. Jessica, as you probably know, is a good girl and does not dig on the vapid Hollywood party circuit. Justin, however, is like a kid at a candy store at such events. I mean, ladies love Justin. Ladies love anything that is vaguely derivative of Michael Jackson I guess. Oooh snap.
Anyway, those same sources recently spotted Justin at a party in New York City getting his flirt on with a leggy brunette. This was the last straw for Jessica. She instituted a "no cheating allowed" policy. The obvious question remains: Why would Justin "Mickey Mouse Club" Timberlake even think of cheating on Jessica Biel? Plus she was on "7th Heaven." That means she is down with the man upstairs. Justin, you don't wanna get struck by lightning or get turned into a pillar of salt do you? Didn't think so. BEHAVE.
Here is a picture of the couple in happier times:
|